Lead with Empathy…
That is a motto that we are hearing with every quarterly webcast, with each leadership flow down and with each group meeting that is scheduled. Empathy, Empathy, Empathy… Over and over again. Seems like someone isn’t getting it, or doesn’t know how to show it. I had to ask myself, “Is it me???” So, I did some research. In case it is you, let me help you out, too.
The Merriam- Webster dictionary definition of empathy is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another” Cognitive, Emotional and Compassionate
The definition of Lead- (noun) position at the front; (verb) to guide on a way especially by going in advance
“It’s not about you”
So I can start 1st, with showing empathy before anything else, or I can lead others into showing empathy by displaying the action.
Now, how do you do that in everyday life? It is not just putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, thinking, “What would I do if I were in their position?” It is not about you. It is taking the opportunity to look at a situation from someone else’s perspective, taking into account the many things that might be affecting them. The resulting view is very different when you remove yourself from the equation.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.” – Harper Lee, Author of To Kill a Mockingbird
“…treat people with understanding when you can, and fake it when you can’t until you do understand.” – Kim Harrison, American Author
“Learning to stand in somebody else’s shoes, to see through their eyes, that’s how peace begins. And it’s up to you to make that happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.” – Barack Obama, Former US President
“Empathetic presence involves listening to someone’s pain with what I call the five A’s: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing.” – David Richo, psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and author
“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.” – Maya Angelou, American Poet and Civil Rights Activist
“Empathy is a choice. It’s a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.“ – Brené Brown, Author and Researcher
“When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”- Stephen Covey , American educator, author, businessman, and keynote speaker.
Empathy is disarming, and creates psychological safety so that others can feel free share without fear of judgement or condemnation. It creates a space where all can thrive and bring their best selves.
Often it is hard to act, react, or respond with empathy first. Especially if you already have ideas of what someone else should be doing, or they are not meeting your expectations. However, that is when it is most important. In order to get to a place where you can help others meet their goals or exceed expectations you must release your ideals, take hold of theirs, and build a bridge to get from one level to the next. It helps if you assume positive intent. Some may call it “Blind Faith”, but if you accept that someone is doing the best that they can given their circumstances, you are already better equipped to help them than to blame them. Next you have to let them know that you are listening to them and acknowledge their perspective. This does not require you to fully agree with them, but appreciate their viewpoint. As a result, your actions, communication, attitude, and responses will follow in kind.
Leading with empathy will add value to all areas of your life and position you to Win Others Over (WOO) with minimal effort. Try it out and see how it makes a difference in your personal and professional progress. Applying this effectively can change the dynamic of your relationships and position you to achieve your goals faster, with the trust and support of others.
Empathy lives in all of us, but it is a choice. Are you courageous enough to show it?
“Can You Woo, Woo, Woo?”- Jeffrey Osborne, singer-songwriter J
Assaldra Oates