I asked someone if they loved their ex…. He said. “I don’t know”. It was an honest, vulnerable, confused and painful point in his life. The emotions came right out and practically jumped on me. I felt what he was feeling.

I find that many times people are ‘stuck’ in love. They want to move on with their lives. At the same time there are forces pulling them back. It can be children; money; history; fear; you name it.

There is a misconception that you have to stop loving your ex to be able to move on.  People think; in order to move into a new relationship, you have to sever all feelings from the old. In reality this doesn’t always happen. Feelings can’t just be turned on and off.  But in order to move on – you need to be ok with letting go.

As I replay this incident – asking if he loved his ex – I would do it differently. Instead I would ask a series of honest questions:

• Are you happy when you are with her?
• Does she make you want to be a better person?
• If the thing that tore you apart were fixed – would you want her back?
• What is that “thing” about her that makes her special?
• What’s holding you back?
• What’s pushing you forward?
• Can you live without her?
• Are you ready to let go?