When I was younger, I loved to say the phrase, “You just like the idea of it”.  Once I said that, it would throw the person off and I would usually win the conversation.  Years later I come back to this phrase to think about what it really means.  We place a desire on a thing or a person, but it isn’t what we really want. We may want the feeling associated with the stated desire.  We want the benefits associated with it. I may say I want to be a millionaire. But I may not care so much about being a millionaire because I really want to buy things without worrying about how I am going to pay for it. Conventional thinking says the only way to do that is to be a millionaire. My desire is focused on the how and not the what.

We also may only want part of the desire and not everything that goes with it. I may want to be CEO, but I don’t want the long hours and decisions that go with it. I may want to be in love but don’t want to hurt.  Of course people don’t want the negative side of things and events. I believe the key is that if you don’t do something because of the perceived negative effects, then you just may like the idea of something.

As you think about what you want, reflect on if you want the ‘how’ instead of the ‘what’. Reflect on if you want the ‘thing’ or the ‘benefit’. Does is bring benefit to you, or to others? What does it mean to have your wish? How much work does it require? Am I willing to sacrifice to get it? Do I really want it?